Not Knowing – Day 4

Hey guys,

Recently, my brother got a fancy, DSLR camera for his birthday. And when I found out he wanted one, I was really excited because I like photography too! My mom thought that I was copying my brother because we like some of the same things. But I really wasn’t, I just like photography. We have different styles and we like different types of things that may or may not be in the same “category”.

Sometimes, I feel like my friends and family don’t really know me. I don’t tell anyone my secrets (such as this blog) or have anyone to text in the dead of night just because I want to talk to someone. I feel like I have friends, but no best friends that I hang out with all the time. I feel as though I’m waiting for the right person to come along.

A while ago, one of my closer friends showed me this quiz thing to see which type of personality you most resemble based on a somewhat short quiz (https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test). She took the quiz and got “INFJ” and she showed me the explanation of that personality and I could really relate to it. So I took the quiz for myself and found that I got the same thing! We are very much alike in many ways and I count her as one of my best friends. But I still haven’t found that one person to share everything with, and maybe I never will; I’ll be a cocoon full of emotions that I will never share besides on this blog.

But I do feel like I’m still finding myself, and maybe once that finishes I can reach out to people and find that one person.

I want to be myself, and share all of myself with someone. And I feel like even my family doesn’t know who I am on the inside. They don’t know how I act in school and with my friends. When I say to them that I’m more of an introvert than an extrovert, they seem confused. It’s because I’m really “loud” at home because I know that it is a safe place to be myself and for no one to judge me. But elsewhere, I prefer to keep to myself so that I don’t get a ton of attention.

And aat my old schools, I have to warm up to my old teachers before I get to know them and before they get to know me. Whenever I do “icebreakers” for something new, I’m always really awkward, unless it’s for something that I really like (such as orchestra).

We got a new conductor for my school’s orchestra, and I immediately opened up to him because I knew we shared a common interest; we both play viola and love music. When he saw my enthusiasm and skill (I’m sorry for bragging, I was put into the wrong orchestra, it is too easy for me), he knew that I was in the wrong class.

He told me after class one day that I should be in a higher level orchestra, and I agreed to audition for it after winter break. I told my section mates and my friends and they all agreed that I should take the step up. I think that it will be a step in the right direction, for my skill level and to help find myself.

I hope that you all can find something that you are really passionate about and find yourself in it. If you have found your’s, what is it? I would love to know in the comments.

Girl lost, Girl found xxx

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